Did'ja know??

Did'ja know i used to be a fairly successful graphic designer?
Did'ja know i used to own my own business?
Did'ja know i used to have a ton of friends?
Did'ja know i used to be married?
Did'ja know i used to do paint beautiful pictures?
Did'ja know i used to have a massive comic-book collection?
Did'ja know i used to live in a nice co-of downtown?
Did'ja know i used to be in love?
Did'ja know i used to write poetry?
Did'ja know i used to ride my bike everywhere i went?
Did'ja know i used to have upscale clients who respected my opinion?
Did'ja know i used to be an artist?
Did'ja know i used to be in the papers and on TV?
Did'ja know i used to have a vehicle?
Did'ja know i used to work with children?
Did'ja know i used to be a daily pot smoker?
Did'ja know i used to do bad things to good people?
Did'ja know i used to earn $50,000 a year as a technical illustrator?
Did'ja know i used to write plays?
Did'ja know i used to have people who loved me?
Did'ja know i used to play in the park with my kids?
Did'ja know i used to do coke?
Did'ja know i used to do things that mattered to the community?
Did'ja know i used to make love to beautiful women?
Did'ja know i used to sculpt?
Did'ja know i used to have a tight connection to my family?
Did'ja know i used to work with the disabled?
Did'ja know i used to be someone who mattered in my neighborhood?
Did'ja know i used to be an intravenous drug user?
Did'ja know i used to have personal belongings?
Did'ja know i used to be in love?
Did'ja know i used to plant art around the city?
Did'ja know i used to be a thief?
Did'ja know i used to have a life that mattered?
Did'ja know i used to be a homeless junkie?

I bet you didn't know most of these things and why would you?

You don't know me and even if you did I am betting you have judged me on one or more of the things you think you know about me.

If you are one of the people i screwed over when i was struggling with drug addiction then I am sorry - but you will never know the whole story. Know this though - i am sorry for having hurt you or having stole from you or having betrayed any trust or faith you may have had in me.
This is no excuse and might not make any sense whatsoever but i went through a truly terrible time in my life. The only way i found i could deal with the things happening around me was to not deal at all. The only way i could find to not deal was to block it out. The only way i could do that was through a misguided love affair with the needle. The next thing i knew i couldn't get through the day without it and to stop meant to go through the most miserable and heart wrenching mind and body sickness that you could possibly imagine. Take the worse flu-bug you've ever had and multiply it by 10 - that is close to what a junkie feels when he/she trys to kick drugs. By the second day, death does not seem like such a bad option. The worse thing is that you can feel better almost instantly if you wanted to. Ten dollars could make the difference between feeling like you are literally going to die and being able to act and live like a normal functional human being. Not high - that only happens the first few time you use - just functional. If you have never used then you likely think I am exaggerating - if you have used you are likely nodding your head thinking "oh yeah, this guy knows exactly what he's talking about..."

Its still no excuse though...

Just a bunch of things you didn't know...