10 things I have learned this summer

1. you may expect others to forgive you for past mistakes but sometimes you need to forgive yourself as well.
2. if you want free airfare from Thailand to the USA confess to a horrible crime that you did not commit and chances are you will be flown home, fed king crab and let go after a huge media circus with little or no fuss after they realise you had nothing to do with said crime.
3. 9 times out of 10 certain relationships can be rebuilt - no matter what an asshole you may have been in the past there is always hope if you are willing to put the time in.
4. there are other times when no matter what else may have happened it is time to just let it go...
5. some children have the jungle in them - wild and untamable. period.
6. older men can still play basketball if they really want to...
7. there is always time to start over if you really want to.
8. AIDs is still one of the worse things to ever happen to our earth.
9. Bill Gates is not as much of a jerk as I thought he was.
10. Sunsets and sunrises get better with time.

The future of Comics - More than one person's opinion

The comic book industry has been hurting for a lot of years. This is no surprise to anyone who has remotely followed comics at all over the last 10 years. Comic book shops continue to close. Is this because people aren’t interested in superheroes?
I’d say a definitive no to that one. Just look at what’s been coming out of Hollywood in the last 5 years: Spider-Man (1 & 2), X-Men (1, 2 & 3), Daredevil, Sin City, Electra, Blade (1, 2, and 3), the Hulk, Batman Begins, The Fantastic Four, Superman Returns, and more! I’d be willing to guess the total revenue on these movies far exceeds how much the printed material is pulling in. Not to mention cartoon series and video games…
Is this because we read less?
I’m not sure where national or international reading numbers sit, but if anything we are reading differently. Blogs and web news as well as online published magazine’s are unlikely to be tracked, but all seem to be doing well.
So here’s my theory of how to fix comics.
Distribute online. Satisfy the long tail and distribute your comics just like Apple iTunes music store. Right now tons of comics are being illegally distributed online through BitTorrent. Just go to isohunt.com and search for any superhero you can think of). This shows a clear desire by the community to get their comics in this format.
Here’s how I would suggest making it a success:
- Take a chance and distribute your comics in CBR/CBZ format with no DRM. If you put DRM on it, people will break it. Those who want to steal comics will. Don’t invest the time and resources to put some crappy rights management that’ll inevitably be broken immediately upon release. So don’t bother, it’ll just slow you down and likely produce bad press. Think about the good press of being the first industry to trust your clients.
- Do not provide comics in a Flash format that is cumbersome to read. CBR.cc currently has an indie comic called “Six Gun” that they provide as Flash. This is cumbersome to read and I’d guess most wouldn’t bother. I want to click one button and have it flip the page. Simple. Marvel also used to do this with their various Ultimates titles, providing s few issues as Flash based digital comics. I forced my way through one, loved the story but hated the experience.
- Provide comics at a great price point digitally, I’d suggest $0.99. I’d happily grab up of comics that I don’t want to preserve long term at that price.
- Release less printed copies, so there is a reason to collect and save. Collectors want to feel like what they have is valuable. Fewer actual printed copies would make this true again.
- Provide online previews of the first 4 pages of every comic.
- Try some new ideas out in a cheap digital only format.
- Allow me to one click subscribe to a printed version. Once a reader gets hooked on the digital version, it’s likely they’ll want to go further, or collect the printed ones.
- Do fantastic cross title promotion. For example if I buy mostly Spider-Man, and he is making a guest appearance in X-Men, tell me about it when I login to my account. Or, if I buy New Avengers and you introduce The Sentry, tell me about the back issue Sentry mini series you have so I can get back info on the character. Or if I love everything Brian Michael Bendis ever wrote, tell me when he decides to write a 4 part Spider-Woman mini-series. Amazon has become famous for this, follow their lead here.
- Finally, provide your entire back issue library easily accessible. Some of these books have histories that extend back into the 60’s. How am I supposed to remember something that happened to a hero before I was born in a book that I can only read if I find an old copy on eBay? Of course I can read about it on a fan site, but how does the industry profit from this and continue to produce great titles?
OK, that’s my rant. Hopefully the industry smartens up and adopts this fantastic new medium to expand to the potential we all know it has. Put it this way, make comics easy enough to get digitally, that it would be ridiculous not to.

The following monday and I'm still waiting...

Still no riches for me. poor as a church mouse - yep thas' me... Apologies to my faithful readers who had come to expect daily posts from me. Last Friday I suffered a migraine of biblical porportions and had to bury my head in the sand or in reality - a very very dark room with a pillow over my head moaning at each and every sound - I emerged on Saturday with a very tender brain pan and the feeling thaT i'd either been the victim of a psychic attack orbeen assaulted in the head with a hammer. I could not remember drinking so my hangover cartoon is not that approp. but still it is kinda funny and at least half approp. My head felt that way let me tell you. I spent most of the weekend recovering and setting up my youngest son's room as more of a older boy space fo him - complete with a problematic computer system his brother and I have rebuilt from three different systems recovered around town. Mr X was thrilled. I think I may have found a place to live - yay! will keep you abreast of the situation for sure. For now though I must snag a cup o' joe and see whats what in th ebig ol' bad world...

bye for now...

I wanna do more!

How do you promote your blog?
How do you add cool and even cooler stuff to your blog?
Is it wrong to want people to read what I have to say?
Should I even care?

These are the questions I have been asking myself when I log onto my blog lately. I want it to do more than it is doing right now. Don't get me wrong though - I love my blog - so much I have started a second called "fall and live tomorrow". It is just that I have even higher hopes for what I do on these blogs then to just write for myself. I would like some feedback on what I write - some comments, critisism, disagreement and even agreement. I just want more.

thats all for now as my eldest son is pasing behind me waiting for the computer.

Vampirates

are they Pirates?
Yes!
Are they Vampires?
Yes!
Are they Canadian?
Yes!
Are they cool as hell?
You bet your ass they are and I am seriously impressed with this phenom online strip...

What are they?
Check em out at http://vampirates.comicgen.com/pages/001.html

and I bet you will love them too!

#@%?&*$#@!*&%$#@?!

The strange words you see in the title above were the words or rather long string of words that escaped my lips and they were without doubt the longest string of profanity that I have uttered in a very long time... I was helping my ex-wife move some stuff in her storage closet and I was in my bare feet. I started to move the shelf that had some paint cans on the top shelf and one full can fell - landing on the edge directly across my toes on my right foot. I screamed! I cursed! Tears ran down my cheeks and I hopped around like as friggin' madman... I will have to go to emerg later for xrays and "TREATMENT" as two of the toes are sticking out in ways they did not before and at such strange angles that I am afraid I will be unable to put socks on or shoes because the toes are in the way. I suppose I should see if they will bend back in a better position so I can wear the proper footwear .
15 minutes later.... Ok..... That hurt almost as much. Bending the first toe back into position resulted in not only mind numbing pain but a crackling sound that I really did not care for at all and will likely haunt my dreams and/or nightmares for the rest of my life... The other toe was easier but likely because I was still in shock from toe #1. Made a similar sound tho... eeeeugggch! My plan today was that I was going to write about this strange beast they found in Maine and are shipping to Toronto for DNA analysis and other testing. I was also going to write about something else but the pain this am totally wiped any ideas I may have had right out of my front/centre cortex...
So with out further ado. I give you the topics of the day..

1. George Bush and Mahmoud Fall in Love: this is a charming and very very short flash cartoon and is part of an anti-war campaign staged by a group of animators and illustrators in Israel. I loved it and I think you will too!

2. HOW TO - Freeze a snail and bring it back to life : This is strange and quite bizarre but it works! Check out the podcast and see for yourself. I was told bymy son it works as well with some other kind of small animal and a 9Volt battery... ASPCA look out...

3. Great Internet Radio: Its called Heavy Radio and its the "mutherf*ckin'' coolest intoxicatin' internet raideo ever!

the last time I quit drugs...

The last and final time I kicked drugs, it took three months and some other crazy stuff happening around that same time to finally bring me to the point where I was fully ready to quit using heroin. I wanted off the damn merry-go-round: the "horse ride" just wasn't any fun anymore. I stopped usingfor good in March After I got out of jail, I chose to go back on a methadone maintenance program, where I have remained... because it works. It miraculously causes the addicted junkie body to stop craving heroin as well as other like-minded opiates.
Unfortunately, even though my life took a sharp turn for the better that month - and has got progressively better and better with each month since - in the cynical minds of some people (mostly 12-Step program devotees) I am still not actually "clean". These people have been brainwashed to the point where they can't allow themselves to think of it as any sort of "medicine" - they're programmed to think of methadone maintenance as "just substituting one drug for another". They don't acknowledge the changes in my life...and that's why I avoid Narcotics Anonymous and its cultish followers like the plague that they are...at least to me, in regards to their thoughts on my life.
I know better. Methadone doesn't put me on the nod, or give me drug-high euphoria. (This is the main reason it just "doesn't work" for some people; they they seem to just be too disappointed that it's not the same feeling as the drug they're trying to stay off of with it.) It put an end to my hustling daily for cash. There was no more ending up on the hospital OD ward. No more clashes with the law. No more sticking needles in my arm. No more heroin... No more Dilaudid... No more 80 mg oxycontin.. No more 100 mg morphine... nada! These are not drugs they are damn nine-to-five jobs. A seven-to-nine job, actually. Fuck it, in all truth it's a 24/7 career. I got into drugs to escape reality and expand my mind: opiates are a one-way trip into a boring, ordinary reality - and one with the constant process of get money, score dope, get money, score dope being just a bit too much like the Straight World of consumerist credit-card-shopping-addiction workaholism. (Cocaine is very much the same way...but thankfully, it's much easier to quit that one. this however is another story for another day)

Methadone gave me a new lease on life - which was more like a property deed than a mere lease. This wasn't about switching one drug for another. It was about trading one lifestyle for another. This was something that no spiritually-based recovery program was going to give me. All the NA people offered me were hours spent in meeting rooms talking about the drugs I wanted to be using but wasn't...that, and some vacuous, vague promise that a "Higher Power" would set me free if I just wrote down a long list of all the fucked up things I ever did. It sounded so Santa Clausish to me: "make a list, and check it twice", and along will come God to make you Be Nice." And take away all need or want of drugs. It sounded fishy to me...and I wanted - NEEDED - an answer, not promises and hopes and wishful thinking sessions. So I told the NA recruitment wonks to get fucked, and went to the methadone clinic.

After I was on a stable dose of methadone for a few months, and my body quit feeling the sickness and the craving, my mind no longer felt the terrible crushing boredom that had always ensued before when I'd tried to quit "the life" - because now there was something else - I am still not sure exactly what it is yet but when I do know I will let you know... if I had to hazzard a guess it would have to be my boys. One day I looked at them and finally decided that i was going to see them grow up. period.

I was finally in a position where I actually, honestly didn't want to touch an opiate, instead of living in a life where I would have to spend every hour of every day reminding myself that I shouldn't have dope because dope is bad for me. There's quite a difference there.

I am back to using computers alot more than I did while I was using.
I now boot up my computer instead of "booting" a shot of junk.
The only thing computers and heroin have in common - besides being so utterly addicting - is that people who are into both of them are called "users".

Coincidence?
Who knows?

Some were made for loss...

Some were made for loss
and others trade for life.
Some ladies find love early
while others tend to find it all.

or rather they will never tell...

what happens when he walks down the hall
when he walks down the aisle and
finds he's lost the will...

lost his way, lost his needle, lost the vein.

He loves and loses not a drop

of daylight's precious matter,

of daylight's precious dream.

Did you know that daylight fell asleep?

When the clock strikes twelve and twenty- two
it'll be back again for more
and it will stand for no more;
than moonlit walks and shadow boxing bouts,
said she to the man who had no friends

Its Monday Morning... Where are my Millions???

Well, I say with a sigh, Monday has come once more. I woke with a crick and a crack and a few other odd noises emanating from my body and started to shake off the wrecked feeling that so often sweeps across my body after waking up. Before I have my morning medicinal drink that is. I know that the feeling would grow and grow until my sickness would encompass me entirely if I were to forego my medicine. So I pull myself together and walk over to the pharmacy to get it. 60 ml later and on the walk back to where I am staying, I start to feel like a human again. I start to feel like myself again, which is quite nice after spending too much time trying not to.

I scan the headlines of the day and see that the transporting of the accused, or rather, self -accused murderer, of the JonBenet girl was traveling back to the US in style as the newspapers took note of every detail of his trip - from what he ate, what he drank and what he watched on the TV during bis flight back from Thailand. Do I really care? No. The Toronto Sun headline made me snicker a tiny bit I will admit with its "Snake on a Plane" comment...

The movie 'Snakes on a Plane' is doing quite well at the box office and has actually gotten fairly good reviews - surprise surprise! In real life, too, serpents have been known to sneak aboard planes with sometimes hair-raising results: In July, Dutch customs officials at the Amsterdam airport thought they were looking at a plastic snake in a parcel marked toys being sent from Hong Kong. Wrong. It was a live poisonous Feas viper sent airmail to a Netherlands collector. Luckily, no one was bitten. In another incident a copperhead snake emerged from a heat vent on a helicopter flying near Rock Hill, S.C., in 1991. The pilot tried to step on the snake, lost control of the copter and was severely injured in the crash, according to the National Transportation Safety Board.

***special link to a cool place when you follow the girl with pink hair***

Snakes are prohibited from cabins on commercial airliners. "No reptiles or rodents in the cabin for safety reasons", says United Airlines spokeswoman Robin Urbanski. Such creatures could escape and wriggle into crevices, she says. But pet snakes have been hidden in carry-ons, especially before post-9/11 baggage scans. And a snake once slipped aboard an airliner, taking shelter in an overhead bin and later dropping onto the lap of a terrified female passenger, recalls Joel Chusid, a former airline executive who is chairman of the Association of Travel Marketing Executives. Although pilots are not specifically trained to deal with snakes, they are taught to deal with calamity. "Should an incident occur, rest assured that the pilot or pilots would react professionally and ensure the safety of the passengers," says Jeff Orschel, spokesman for the Air Line Pilots Association.

In other news over 70 Taliban killed in weekend fighting afghanno Afgan or Canadian casualties. Not one death was caused by snakes, but death is still death and it is still a shame that anyone was killed this weekend in any kind of fighting. There are few things I would support dying over and most of the conflicts that are currently going on do not make my list of worthy causes. I do however find the posted cartoon a bit funny and I do feel badly for the people who have died in this struggle. Life is just too fucked up sometimes. You have to laugh or else you might just cry...

I look in my pocket and take note that I am still not a millionaire. As much as I would like to be rich I am still dirt-poor. I see a few bottles in a recycling box and grab them to add to my weekend collection of bottles. A slow weekend for drinkers around here as I am lucky if I have collected $5 wrecyclablesyclables to return. Oh well - Mondayl monday - I head back and make a mental list of things to do this week. First and foremost, I need to find a volunteer position badly. I have put my name in with Field to Table and Habitat for Humanity but have not heard back from either yet... I will look online after writing my morning blog and see what I can find for myself.

In other news Sara Michelle Geller (see pretty picture) still doesn't know I exist and therefore is very likely still not in love with me... sigh...

I have a chao!

My son created a digital pet for me today - his name is "lil'cy". He is a cute little widget called a 'chao' in a game universe revolving around Sonic the Hedgehog. To find out more about Chaos check out CHAO LABORATORY. com.
According to the online Wikipedia Chao (pronounced [tʃaʊ'], or "chow", plural form Chao) are creatures found in the Sonic the Hedgehog video game series, including Sonic Adventure, Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Adventure 2: Battle, Sonic Advance, Sonic Advance 2, Sonic Pinball Party, Sonic Shuffle, and Sonic Adventure DX: Director's Cut. Earlier forms of the technology behind them, A-life, were also in NiGHTS Into Dreams with the Nightopians. The word chao is a pun on chaos, a word commonly used in the Sonic series.

Chao start life in an egg state. The eggs of a common Chao are white with a yellow splotch on the bottom and blue freckles. Eggs other than those acquired in visiting a Chao Garden for the first time or mating are colored differently and reflect how the Chao will look. For example, a Gold Egg is solid gold in color and will hatch a solid gold Chao. Ways of hatching them include softly rocking the egg to throwing it. When they hatch, they can be trained to be different attributes and emotional states. The Chao from this game - Sonic Adventure 2 can also favour "dark" and "hero" sides along with the "neutral" side form which can lead to variations in visual evolution. Depending on the way the game goes, they take various times to evolve.

So far that is all I really know except that they like to be brought Chaos engines and small animals.

Some Cool Links
Official Sonic Team Website
Official Sonic Team Chao Website
Chao Club
Chao Universe

These Chaos are not to be confused in anyway with the chaos involved in Discorianism. Discordianism is a modern, chaos-based religion founded in either 1958 or 1959. It has been described as both an elaborate joke disguised as a religion, and as a religion disguised as an elaborate joke. Some of its followers make the claim that it is "a religion disguised as a joke disguised as a religion" (or "a joke disguised as a religion disguised as a joke disguised as...").

It can be viewed as a simple rejection of reductionism and dualism, even falsifiability — not in concept different from postmodernism or certain trends in the philosophy of mathematics. It has also been described as "Zen for roundeyes," and converges with some of the more absurdist interpretations of the Rinzai school.

Also Socis is not to be confused in any way with Sonic Youth. Different animals I think...

Murphy's Law Revisited

I was advised today by a friend that I am sickly preoccupied by Murphy's Law - you know the one - what can go wrong will go wrong...

It was pointed out that while while my 'macro' may be a mess - you know - life for me as it exists over all. This is true, but I continually make steps to improve upon it, so that one day my 'macro' will be ummm... less messy than it is now.
My 'micro' on the other hand, is doing quite well and I should celebrate the mundane victories that exist within the 'micro' of my life.

For instance:
Today my socks match - Yay! A victory for me!
I did not trip and fall on my face on the way to the bathroom this morning - Yay! There's another!
I got to cuddle with my son and watch a movie we both enjoyed last night - Yay! There's another!

I am sure you see where this is going - I ned to celebrate the things that go right rather than worry about the things that can and will go wrong

I was also advised that I spend too much time regretting the past which I guess is true as well. I need to concentrate more on making things happen in the here and now - I need to live in the moment - acknowledge that which has happened before and learn from it so it will not be repeated and not worry so much about what will happen next. I need to be present for my 'here aand now'.
A good way of thinking for sure.

I am going to try it and let you know, loyal readers, how it goes. As for the lot of you - make a list of five mundane victories that you have had today and let us celebrate the mundane together.

Let me get you started:

1. You logged onto the internet without crashing the computer - Yay 4 you!

and for those of you interested in all things mundane let me point you in the right direction by sending you to the 'School of the Mundane' which is a free for all journal cronicalling all thing mundane in our daily life. For something that prides itself on its equisite sense of the mundane - it is actually quite amazing how much has been written on the subject - but don't tell anyone I said that...

For those of you interested in the 'mundane' comic posted above visit www.deliciousbrains.com and check out the amaaaaaaazzzzzing work they have posted there. I found the site accidentally while running a google search on the word "mundane".

what I like best

I really like being able to write my thoughts down and have access to one of the greatest sourses of information at my fingertips while I do so.

I can write about opera which refers to a dramatic art form, originating in Italy, in which the emotional content or primary entertainment is conveyed to the audience as much through music, both vocal and instrumental, as it is through the lyrics. I can give a link to my favorite opera - Aida - which is performed in four acts and was written by Giuseppe Verdi.

I can even illustrate my point and show a photo of the famous Austrailian Opera House. If I wanted I could include as much or as little information as I want to. In this particular case I think that I have given as much info as I want to on the subject and now would be an excellent time to move forward.

I can tackle political subjects or personal ones. I can muse, write poetry or even post someone else's poetry.

For example - here is a poem that makes me smile but not nessessarily think deep thoughts. It is by c. c. cummings

If
If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.
If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.
If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.

Yes. I can pretty much say anything I'd like about any subject and back up whatever I say with facts and figures, pictures and posts.

Neat.

The hardest part of waking up...

certainly isn't "Folgers" in my cup... No. For me the hardest part of waking up is wondering what the day will bring. Too often in my experience I have had unpleasant things happen to me. More recently then ever before and now I am hesitant to start the day because of it. Not to say I am unwilling to start the day because of it - certainly not - it is just that I need a certain amount of mental preparation in order to be ready for whatever the day will bring me - good or bad. Tomorrow morning might find me in jail - it may find me unconscious having fallen under the heels of one or more assailants - it may find me sleeping warm and comfortable next to my youngest smiling son or it may find me waking upoutside at dawn in appreciation of the rising sun casting its rays on my sleeping face...

My point is that I never know what the day will bring and all I can do to prepare for it is to take a few minutes each morning after I wake up and get ready for it. I am sure we all do the same - or something similar at least. A morning routine that allows us to cope with the day as it unfolds in any one of a million delicious ways.

This morning I woke from a dream - a strange dream that involved my old lover and we were riding on some kind of motorcycle. She was driving and I was on the back trying to save the life of this strange creature/person as it slowly became smaller and smaller - this person/creature was melting for some reason I cannot fanthom during daylit hours - and I was trying my best to keep her alive by blowing on her. We arrived where we were going and I was upset that I could not save her and then we found out that she was okay. I remember feeling admonished and I also remember that my lover, the woman we were trying to save and her female lover were kind of amused at my lack of understanding as to how these things worked - these things that involved female power and the like. My lover touched me sweetly and made me feel better with a look - a look which told me she appreciated my effort and passion for life - even if it wound up not making a difference in the long run.

She could always speak volumes - when she wanted to that is- with just a look. At the same time she could erect a wall around her with a look that even the most avid climber could not scale. That the most arduous driller could not penetrate. She was quite the woman.

My point, before I lose it entirely, is that when I woke up today after seeing her in this dream and having her look at me in that way, I woke missing her very much. I missed waking up next to her. I missed the touch of her shoulder against mine in bed. I missed reaching around her and pulling her close to me. I missed the passion we felt and quite often showed each other on mornings much like this one. One thing that mornings like this remind me of most vividly was how incredibly physical we were. How well we fit together on a sexual level. Mind you, I acknowledge that the last few times before we split were less than stellar - but besides those few times - I remember such passion and physical excitement when we were together. I remember such a sense of play and joy and wonder in our physical relationship. A touch was all it took from her to send me through the roof - she was, and still is, sexier than I think ANY one could possibly be. We could talk for hours and hours - make love standing up, sitting down, talk some more and then do it all again - this time in water or maybe even outside. Driving, at the movies, pulling over on the side of the road if the need arose - and I remember a few times when it did. I remember loving and I mean absolutely 'loving' the noises she would make - the little moans and whimpers and the even louder sounds leading up to more exciting feelings she would be feeling turn me on now just reminiscing about them. In the end I fucked things up so brilliantly between us that we had to go our separate ways and I don't think a day has gone by that I don't regret what happened between us. That I don't curse myself for a damned fool for letting her go.

This is life. My life anyways. I don't know why I needed to share this with the universe today - but it made me feel a bit better to write these words and remember the things I have remembered. Doesn't make a difference one way or the other mind you - all it does is let me remember a few good things before I start the day - and if that isn't one of the better ways to start the day - then I don't know what is...

Say it wasn't so...

Say it was not so.
Say it was never there.
Say you never loved me.
Say it was a dream.
Say something, anything about
the feeling as it seems.
to be unreal - to be too much.
Say it like you mean
to break my heart
and cast me far away
that you were never there...
Say you never loved me and make it go away.
Because if you never loved me then I can walk away.
and maybe I can lie and say I never loved you back
and as long as I never have to meet your eye
you'll never know it is a lie
and we can go our seperate ways
and that is all I have to say
today...

Buffy the Musical Fact Sheet

~ BUFFY THE MUSICAL ~

~ FACT SHEET ~
~ EPISODE NAME ~
Once More with Feeling
~ EPISODE ~
107
~ SYNOPSIS ~
The show begins with Buffy going through the motions as she patrols the cemetery. Of course, when she bursts into song and the vampires and a demon begin to sing and dance along as well she begins to suspect something is wrong in Sunnydale - well... more wrong than usual anyways...

The next day at the Magic Box, everyone admits they found themselves singing uncontrollably as if they were in a musical, with rhyming lyrics and musical backup. Just as they begin discussing the possibilities, a group song pops out and they sing about their theories as to who might be causing all the singing and dancing. After the musical number is over, they discover that everyone in Sunnydale seems to be affected. The gang also discovers that they are being forced to sing their most private secrets to each other. Not to mention that people are burning to death from the inside out, and there seems to be some connection. Indeed, there are dark forces at work in the form of a demon, and it's going to be a hot time in Sunnydale if the Slayer and the Scoobies can't figure out a way to stop him.

That's vampiric entertainment!

Each song holds a truth for the singer as it explores the depth of their relationships with the other characters. All that sounds heavy, and some of it is. But "Once More with Feeling" is full of comic moments too, which is what Buffy does best - balance the humor and the drama in a fantastic way. By the end of the episode each member of the gang is changed in some way by the truths revealed to them through the power of song. Buffy confesses that the gang rescued her form heaven and not hell as they had originally thought. Tara discovers Willow has been tampering with her memory - ending their relationship just as it was truly blossoming into something wonderful. Giles admits that he is holding Buffy back and he gets ready to leave. No one is unscathed by the music and many relevations that are made this episode. In my opinion the episode is one of the best hours oftelevisionn I have ever seen.

~ CAST ~
Buffy - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Giles - Anthony Stewart Head
Willow - Alyson Hannigan
Spike - James Marsters
Tara - Amber Benson
Xander - Nicholas Brendon
Anya - Emma Caulfield
Dawn - Michelle Trachtenberg
Sweet - Hinton Battle

~ THE SCRIPT ~

Script

~ SONG LIST ~
1. GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS
2. I'VE GOT A THEORY / BUNNY SONG
3. DRY CLEANING SONG
4. I'M UNDER YOUR SPELL
5. I'LL NEVER TELL
6. PARKING TICKET SONG
7. REST IN PEACE
8. DAWN'S SONG
9. SWEET'S INTRODUCTION
10. I'M STANDING IN THE WAY
11. I'M UNDER YOUR SPELL (reprise) / I DON'T WANT TO GO
12. WALK THROUGH THE FIRE
13. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO SING ABOUT
14. SWEET'S DEPARTURE
15. WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
16. END

~ FUN LINKS ~
Buffy The Musical Test
Buffy E-Comics
The unOfficial Buffy the Musical Website
The Law Intervenes...
'Buffy' Stage Show Shut Down
Once More With Feeling - The Buffy Musical MIDIs




*copyright 2001 to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and 20th Century Fox Television.

The Hallucinatory Clarity of a Toronto Ghost Story

The air had a hallucinatory clarity last night with the bank towers etched against the sky and a surreal arc of sprinklers tending the lawn in front of me. I looked down at my feet for a second and looked back at the towers looming high above me and for a second I saw it. I looked away in disbelief and looked again - straining my eyes to see the figure standing high above me on the ledge of the nearest tower. Incredible that someone could withstand the strong winds way up there. Whoever it was, they looked incredibly surreal juxtapositioned against the brilliant orange of the setting sun and surrounded by the larger than life towers. I looked away again to protect my eyes against the glare coming off the mirrored surface of the next tower and when I looked back at the figure, I was struck across the face with shock as he stepped off the ledge and began to fall before simply vanishing from my sightline behind a shorter building .
Not believing the sight that I had just seen. That this was what I saw, I looked even harder at the corner for at least ten minutes, straining to hear the sounds of emergency vehicles making their way through early evening traffic to the scene - but I heard nothing. I heard nothing but the normal sounds of the evening.
I looked up again and to my surprise there he was again - standing on the ledge looking up at something that he alone could see. I was relieved to see him, my mind acknowledging and justifying his fall survival through the elaborate use of ropes and pulleys. Minutes later however my shock returned as the scene repeated itself exactly as it had occured before.
I walked away shaking my head contemplating what lunacy this man would stoop to. Wondering how he had hid the ropes he must have used to harness himself to the tower hundreds of feet above me.
Since that time I have seen this man perform his desperate sunset dive many times and I am now convinced that he has never been tied to the building - in terms of ropes and harnesses that is. Something may have happened at this spot and at this time in the past and what I see now - what I see now is simply a repeat performance of something that really should not and likely could not have actually happened. A summer evening trick of the light or perhaps even an elaborate hoax...
But...
When I look through the crisp August air at sunset and marvel at the hallucinatory clarity of the evening air amist the stark, monolithic bank towers - I must admit - I must admit that I wonder what the backstory is? I wonder what tragedy drove this person to those heights and I wonder if it was the wind or if it was a purposeful step forward that started the plunge?
I seldom stick around to watch the fall more than once an evening these days. While I am always struck by how beautiful he or she (as I have come to wonder about the sex of the mysterious leaper) looks against the setting sun; back straight and head tilted slightly upwards as if in silent conversation with a higher power of some sort. I am always saddened by the concept of human life being worth so much more than the spectacle of what this has become. Worth so much more than the price of admission to a free sunset show - repeated twice in case you blinked - and never, ever, ever a film at eleven...

Congo in Crisis and What Happens Next?

I sit down in front of the computer this morning and reread my blog from yesterday - anger once again washes over me - after anger a feeling of helplessness - what can I do - thousands of miles away from the problem - an incident that occurred years ago but is still having ramifications as the women and children who were infected, if they are still alive that is, struggle today to deal with both the world around them and the effects of the virus.

I google the Congo and see that a new hospital is open ing later this month. Dikembe Mutombo, a NBA superstar who grew up in the Congo but currently lives in the United States, donated $15 million toward building the hospital near Congo's capital of Kinshasa. The NBA center hopes to continue his work by recruiting 100,000 donors to help cover the facility's operating expenses. For the full story from USA Today on Houston Rockets center history of charity work in the Congo click here.

There is an article on an area in remote parts of Katanga province in the Democratic Republic of Congo called the "triangle of death". The killings and suffering are so widespread here that residents have given the area this chilling title. Hundreds of people have been brutally killed and more than 150,000 have fled their homes. Local residents of the area described to the Human Rights Watch how they were trapped between the abuses of a local defense group called the Mai Mai on the one side and those of the Congolese army on the other.

There is an election going on in the Congo right now and half the votes have been counted so far. Much violence has led up to this historic election and much change is promised should either side emerge victorious. I wish I knew enough about the contenders to give my opinion but I must admit I do not. I do know that it is the country's first free election in over 40 years. I know that many of the large human rights organizations have high hopes that this election will signal the beginning of the end for much of the violence and many of the horrors that innocents have experienced leading up to this event.

As I continued to read my googled pages, I came across an article that gave me some hope in regards to future of the women and children who were raped by Ugandan rebels in 1998 and 1999. An organization called Medair has been working hard to help the many victims of sexual violence in the Congo by providing both medical and psychosocial support. Their work is mostly focused on the Ituri area in the Democratic Republic of the Congo but accessible to anyone in the Congo who needs them.

From what I read about Medair, I see that they are a non-governmental organization (NGO) independent of any political, economic, social or religious authority. In the spirit of neutrality it would seem that its international headquarters are based in Switzerland. Its mission is exclusively humanitarian and it accomplishes its work in a spirit of dedication and solidarity, inspired by traditional Christian values.
Medair's objectives are to respond to suffering victims in war and disaster situations (especially those which have been forgotten or neglected) through various kinds of emergency and rehabilitative projects. Medair employs 50 people in Switzerland, United Kingdom, Germany, France and Holland. In the field, 120 full-time expatriates help populations in difficulty, with the support of 1600 local employees.

Horrors, highlights from Day One of the World Aids Conference and Cream Coloured Coffee

Picked up the newspaper this morning and sat down in a comfortable spot to read it. I set my recently poured cup of steaming cream coloured coffee down next to me on the side table and removed a cigarette out of the bright orange package and placed it into my mouth. Lighting the cigarette with a wooden match I used my other hand to unfold the newspaper to the front page and read the glaring headlines staring back at me. A national Aids conference was taking place in my home town of Toronto and despite the shame my county should feel over reneging on its promise to deliver Aids medication to needy countries the conference opened to enthusiasm and a keynote speech by Bill Gates of Microsoft fame. Gates spoke for approx. four minutes and stressed that the power to defeat the Aids virus lays in the hands of the world's women and that "this could mark a turning point in the epidemic and we need to make it an urgent priority". Gates was met with thundering applause and what appeared to be unanimous approval to his ideas. Gates continued by outlining that most women in many parts of the world are at the mercy of the men in their lives and do not have the right to refuse sex , let alone sex without a condom. "No matter where she lives", Gates continued, "who she is, or what she does, a women should never need her partners permission to save her own life". These sediments are a direct result of recent innovations in microbicide research and development. A microbicide is a vaginal gel or cream applied prior to sex that stops the transmission of the HIV virus. This gel places the prevention of the virus directly into the hands of women. I only hope that men do not see this innovation as a way of letting them off the hook in terms of prevention. It should not be seen as a shifting of responsibility but instead as an addition to our global arsenal of weapons to be used in the war against Aids.

I noted a small but disturbing notation at the top of the page sending readers further inside the section of newspaper to read about how Aids was being used by Congo rebels as a weapon. Hesitating a bit at the notion, I slowly opened the paper to the page and began to read the chilling account. It would seem that in 1998 and 1999 a group of 2000 Ugandan rebels,each one infected with the deadly HIV virus, were unleashed on an unsuspecting Democratic Republic of Congo and instructed to rape as many women and children as possible in order to start a Congo-wide pandemic. In other word these men were ordered to commit atrocities and basically commit a slow and excessively cruel form of genocide against the most innocent members of this country's population. Not that genocide in itself is not cruel - but to conciously infected thousands of women and children - some children reportedly as young as one - this is staggeringly cruel and aboce all - inhuman. Complaints have been filed with the African Human Rights commission and nearby countries of Rwanda and Uganda have each stated publicly that the country of Congo does not have the right to complain. How they could make these claims is beyond me. How this could happen is beyond me as well.

How could anyone bring themselves to make a decision like this - let alone consider carrying it out? Did an Ugandan Army general wake up one morning, sip at his own cup of cream coloured coffee, look lovingly at his wife and children sitting around the breakfast table and decide that his fellow Africans, that his neighbours should suffer. Separated by little more than imaginary borders and personal politics did these people not deserve the same rights as he and his family did? Did his nieghbours not deserve to have loving wifes and beautiful children. Wifes and children who did not deserve to be viciously raped and even worse - if such a thing is imaginable - raped by mercenaries who were specificly selected for this horrific task because they themselves were already infected with the Aids virus.
I wonder if that general picked up a copy of his local paper, lit a cigarette and read that the Aids virus was running rampant throughout the continent. Is that what inspired conscripting infected mercenaries to deliver the virus across the border? I just cannot imagine what could have brought this idea to fruition...
We will never know the whys behind what happened but I pray to God that the people who made the decisions to commit these atrocities are brought to justice and get the punishment they truly deserve.

A fitting punishment in my eyes would involve the war criminals who committed these crimes and the men who planned and orchestrated this horror being tried by a jury of people who have been infected and forcing some of the men who planned this invasion and infection to meet some of the innocent children, who are now dying of Aids. They need to see with their own eyes the damage their decisions have wrought. They need to look in the eyes of these poor infected children and try and explain their actions to them. When this is over the war criminals need to be placed in a bright cell filled with photos of the people they have hurt and they can spend the remainder of their lives contemplating exactly what they have done.

As for the 2000 Ugandan rapists, since they have already been sentenced to death by Aids, they should be placed in a deep, dark pit of a jail where they can spend the remainder of their infected days reflecting on the evil deeds that they have committed and considering what kind of fate they have to look forward to in the afterlife. I can only hope that there will be some kind of divine punishment for these men.

I pray that the survivors are more forgiving then I am, I hope that they are able to somehow put the horrors that they have experienced behind them and that somehow through modern medicine that they will be able to keep their infections in check and somehow manage to live full and happy lifes.

They deserve to live good lives, despite what has happened to them. I can only hope that they can...

Sunday night fantastic

It is early evening on a Sunday and the day has been long in both length and breath. The sun sets to the west as it does each and every night and seems to take its sweet loving time this evening - savouring each additional moment that it can squeeze out of this lean and lasting summer evening. A summer night fantastic- to which I mean it is a typical August Sunday - the day is hot and seems to last forever - the sun hangs heavy in the sky and slips ever lower into the horizon. Much like a lover slipping slowly into his beloved. Savouring each and every second - savouring the heat and the ever-so-sweet sensation and still lower you sink. Still lower sinks the setting August sun - into the colours that outline the setting of the sun - a setting still hours away but still an event that is inevidable in its approach.
You notice heat in a different removed kind of way, in a way that sticks to your skin like a fine covering of mist but uncomfortable and annoying, for as often as you wipe the sheet of dew from your brow another fine layer appears in its stead. The day is long in the way each minute feels like an hour and each hour feels like an eternity. A infinite amount of time has gone by between the passing of the hands on the clock on the wall. An eternity punctuated by the odd silence-shattering screech of an errant child off in the distant or even more unusual - the sound of dogs barking. An August lullaby meant for canine ears and not human ones. Whatever the punctuating sound - it drifts through the August heat like a helium filled ballon - drifting past my ears and then off to another height before finding its own sad ending at some distant altitude. Alone, the sound will merge with other brief sunday afternoon sounds and as they fade into a strange form of sonic non-existance perhaps they will merge into one grand unifying sound - much, I imagine, like the blowing of some regal and majestic trumpet to signal the end of another day. Another fantastic August sunday afternoon drawing to a close .

Saturday morning and my son is snoring

He's snoring ever so lightly, but snoring none-the-less. Our week together is almost at an end and we've had a lot of fun. Last night we went and saw the new terror-flick "Pulse" which unnerved both of us with its apocalyptic prediction of mankind's fascination with technology - especially that of 'cell phone' and this new 'wifi' technology, which according to this movie, will end with the eradication of civilization as we know it. humanity to be hunted down and eaten (kind of) by wraithlike being from another frequency - our loved ones transformed into cold shades of the people they were... The movie is based on the Japanese horror movie "Kairo," and centers on a group of college students who discover that a computer hacker friend of theirs unwittingly pirated a strange wireless signal that opened a doorway for a terrifying evil to cross over into the world. As it spreads, everyone in its path is consumed, and the students must race to find a way to stop it. Shivers galore after and during that flick...


afterwards we played 20 odd matches of a game called Streetfighter. I used to play the game and was able to hold my own against that joystick-as-a-third-appendage son of mine. He still beat me but it wasn't as dismal a defeat as it would have been had we played something more recent such as Timesplitters or the like...
A strange call from a friend of Eli's sister at 1am when this friend did not show up at home. I was worried as well and suggested a few places to try. Turned out ok as I received a call from the missing youth about fifteen minutes later . He had fallen asleep at the friend who is away after feeding her animals. Glad he turned up safely.

Did'ja know??

Did'ja know i used to be a fairly successful graphic designer?
Did'ja know i used to own my own business?
Did'ja know i used to have a ton of friends?
Did'ja know i used to be married?
Did'ja know i used to do paint beautiful pictures?
Did'ja know i used to have a massive comic-book collection?
Did'ja know i used to live in a nice co-of downtown?
Did'ja know i used to be in love?
Did'ja know i used to write poetry?
Did'ja know i used to ride my bike everywhere i went?
Did'ja know i used to have upscale clients who respected my opinion?
Did'ja know i used to be an artist?
Did'ja know i used to be in the papers and on TV?
Did'ja know i used to have a vehicle?
Did'ja know i used to work with children?
Did'ja know i used to be a daily pot smoker?
Did'ja know i used to do bad things to good people?
Did'ja know i used to earn $50,000 a year as a technical illustrator?
Did'ja know i used to write plays?
Did'ja know i used to have people who loved me?
Did'ja know i used to play in the park with my kids?
Did'ja know i used to do coke?
Did'ja know i used to do things that mattered to the community?
Did'ja know i used to make love to beautiful women?
Did'ja know i used to sculpt?
Did'ja know i used to have a tight connection to my family?
Did'ja know i used to work with the disabled?
Did'ja know i used to be someone who mattered in my neighborhood?
Did'ja know i used to be an intravenous drug user?
Did'ja know i used to have personal belongings?
Did'ja know i used to be in love?
Did'ja know i used to plant art around the city?
Did'ja know i used to be a thief?
Did'ja know i used to have a life that mattered?
Did'ja know i used to be a homeless junkie?

I bet you didn't know most of these things and why would you?

You don't know me and even if you did I am betting you have judged me on one or more of the things you think you know about me.

If you are one of the people i screwed over when i was struggling with drug addiction then I am sorry - but you will never know the whole story. Know this though - i am sorry for having hurt you or having stole from you or having betrayed any trust or faith you may have had in me.
This is no excuse and might not make any sense whatsoever but i went through a truly terrible time in my life. The only way i found i could deal with the things happening around me was to not deal at all. The only way i could find to not deal was to block it out. The only way i could do that was through a misguided love affair with the needle. The next thing i knew i couldn't get through the day without it and to stop meant to go through the most miserable and heart wrenching mind and body sickness that you could possibly imagine. Take the worse flu-bug you've ever had and multiply it by 10 - that is close to what a junkie feels when he/she trys to kick drugs. By the second day, death does not seem like such a bad option. The worse thing is that you can feel better almost instantly if you wanted to. Ten dollars could make the difference between feeling like you are literally going to die and being able to act and live like a normal functional human being. Not high - that only happens the first few time you use - just functional. If you have never used then you likely think I am exaggerating - if you have used you are likely nodding your head thinking "oh yeah, this guy knows exactly what he's talking about..."

Its still no excuse though...

Just a bunch of things you didn't know...

a nothing day really...

Nothing really special about the day. I am fretting over a bench warrant I just found out I have. Eeesh... I have been trying so hard to stay out of trouble too. I got charged by the police for selling DVD's at a yard sale. Said DVD's were ones that I picked up in through a friend and was selling for him. Police came by and took DVD's and wrote me up a ticket charging me with Fraud saying I was selling pirated bootlegs. I lost the ticket but thought I went to court on the right day - my lawyer and I were there but nothing happened and my lawyer and I thought I dodged the bullet Police contacted me a few days ago and said I missed court and gave a different day then the one I was there for. My word against the police. They said turn myself in or be arrested. So either I find the long lost paper that exonerates me or I turn myself in and pray my lawyer can get me out.
Anyways - at the very least - my nerves are a bit frazzled over this. I recently spent some time in jail and have no wish to repeat the experience. One day while I am in a wistful mood I will recount the how's and what's and wherefores but not today...
I received an email from a close friend who I have recently reconnected with today and that made me feel a bit better. She and a friend of hers and her kids are away on a filming vacation.
My youngest son is away with his mom camping and I got to speak with him this morning and that made me feel great.
I am spending the week with my oldest son while housesitting for my ex-wife. We are having all sorts of fun and today he and his friend Aaron made supper for us. It was sort of a "Sloppy Joe". It was terribly tasty though. My eldest son Elijah is becoming an amazing artist and constantly blows me away how good he is becoming. I have to practice like crazy just to keep up and there are things he is miles ahead of me in. I am so incredibly proud of him that it makes my heart swell like its going to burst. He is 15 going on 45 and I have never met anyone quite like him before and I have met a great number of people in my time.
He is truly one of a kind and I would want it no other way. I know that the world is going to allow him great things and if the world does not allow it he will simply take what he deserves and he'll do it with a smart comment and a sly smile while he's at it.

Recycling and other fun when you are broke...

This weekend I found myself in the dire predicament of having no access to money. How I wondered would I survive? buy food? perhaps a package or two of cigarettes? the odd danish?? So I wandered around my downtown neighbourhood and spotted a empty beer bottle tossed onto a bit of grass.
I picked it up and thought ' hmmmm... do you think I could gather enough?' So one became two, which some became four , than eight and so on and so on and so on...
Until finally I had hit every recycling box in the area and had more bottles and cans than I could carry. Somewhere along the way I had picked up a bundle-buggy and magically enough $10 worth of returnables. This would equate into exactly 100 ten-cent bottles and cans. The next day I did it again and spent about an hour and a half collecting over the course of the day (30 minutes here and there and then once more) and came up with $15 worth of returnables. Yesterday I did the same and came up with only $7 worth of returnables. Seven dolars is pretty good for a holiday monday anyways. Tueday I did $12...
So... to make my long story short - i was broke - i collected returnables and made $44 over four days.
It took me approx. 5 hours to collect what I collected although if you include travel time to and from the beer store it would likely wind up being more like 6 hours.

4 o'clock in the morning

and i can't seem to sleep...
fired off a few emails -
thought about having a cigarette -
made a sandwich instead -
mmm -
peanut butter and jam -
mmm -
wish i'd picked up a bannana when i had the chance -
ok -
now i'm ready for that smoke -

The World According to Captain Crunch

Captain Crunch breakfast cereal
went on sale a few days ago at the grocery store i ususally shop at. Dropping from a staggering
$5.99 per box to a mere $1.99.Needless to say - this cereal has become the main
staple in my diet - right after peanut butter and apple turnovers.My diet is, to say the least, lacking a bit in variety.I do, however, love eating cereal. 10 to 1 odds are that I will likely get sick of this particular brand before the sale ends. Anyone want to take me up on this wager?

Football and other obsessions

I was thinking about a friend of mine and about the nature of obsession.
It is funny how we as people and as individuals can become so obsessed about something so quickly and SNAP! Just like that the object of that obsession can become our one and only focus.
Some people become obsessed over a sport like football. When Bill Shankly wrote "Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that." he wasn't kidding... to some men football is everything they could ever want.
To others, finding that special person is what its all about. Some do take it to the extreme though and spend every minute of the day obsessing about that special him or her - to the point where it becomes an unhealthy form of behavior. We all know someone who's been stalked or has been involved with someone who did not know when enough was enough.
Other times obsession can be a good thing. Look at this new project going on at Niagara Falls - a giant drill that is about to begin a historic undertaking by drilling a 10 km tunnel through solid rock in order to provide a new way to generate clean electricity for Ontario residents. Pretty impressive eh? I'd bet any money that behind this project, behind the planning and preparation is at least one person who is and likely has been for some time absolutely obsessed with making this project a reality. Without this person and this obsession, this project would have died a quiet death some time ago...
The same can be said for any musician who has dedicated his or her life to their music... or to any environmentalist who has dedicated themselves to a cause they believed in...
John Irving wrote in his book Hotel New Hampshire that the secret to a happy life was to "get obsessed and stay obsessed".
Is he right? Is obsession a necessary evil in which we as people can immerse and lose ourselves?
Do we need to find an obsession in order to be truly happy?
Do we need to lose ourselves in something in order to find ourselves?

Comments on the question of obsession are invited.
Just don't get obsessed about it...

Beginnings

Today, I start my own blog. I have heard about them and have even read a few. After doing what would appear to the average person as little to no actual research on the subject, I decided to jump right in and start blogging...
From what I gather, blogging can be whatever I want it to be... It can be flashy, it can be personal and it can be incredibly inane and asinine.

As for me, I don't know what I want mine to be as of yet but I think I will simply let it become what it will become on its own. I will post whatever the hell I want to post.

Some days I will post nothing...

Some days I will post a poem and other days I may even post a picture...

I will post bits and bobs and perhaps the whole experience will be therapeutic...

or not...

Not bad for a beginner...