The animated world of Owen Meany...

I am re-reading this book for the tenth or eleventh time over the last 15 years - the book is entitled "A Prayer for Owen Meany" and it was written by John Irving.

I don't think I care much for the author personally, but I do have to say that I love a lot of what he has written. Please don't misunderstand me when I say I do not care much for him personally - I am sure he is a nice enough - if not unusual and quirky enough man - its just that I have seen his public face during media interviews and he comes across as arrogant and I seem to have a bit of a problem with arrogant people - I don't mind confident people - in fact I find myself drawn to them - especially confident women - but that is a blog entry all on its own now isn't it?

Back to Irving though - I just didn't care for the arrogance the author seemed to exude during the interviews I had the opportunity to watch or read. I cannot find myself disliking him too much though as he has written three of the best books I have ever read - three of my top ten so to speak - each one representative of where I was in my life when I read them for the first time. The books are of course Owen Meany which I find myself turning to like an old friend - it is my comfort book - I pick it up and can open it anywhere an re-discover plot threads and characters that in their own strange way seem like family to me. Each time I read it I discover something different about it - like an old friend that never ceases to surprise you with the levels of complexity tht he or she has to offer. Even after many many years...

The other two books I refer to are the "Hotel New Hampshire" and "The World According to Garp".

If Owen Meany is like an old friend - full of surprises and satisfaction and its cast of strange and realistic characters are like extended members of my family - then HNH would be my sexy Aunt - you know the one - everyone seems to have one in their family - the one who goes on tour with some Rock band, trips through Europe, looks beautiful in anything she wears and seems a little sad sometimes - in spite of or likely despite her life choices. As exotic and adventurous as her life has been, she is always looking for something - No one know what though... We all wish we could be her, that is until we catch the glimmer of sadness in her eyes...

Now"Garp" would be my brother from another Mother... I love Garp and I envy him and I marvel at his misadventures and once in a while I pity him and sometimes I even hate him - but seldom for very long. In my mind he looks like a young Robin Williams and epitomizes everything I wanted to be when I became a man. I first read Garp when I was in my early teens and it was the first movie I ever saw based on a book I had read. To say it had a profound effect on my would be an understatement to say the least.

Garp will have to be a topic for another day though and so will Franny and Junior Jones and even the bear might one day become a topic of discussion open these crisp white pages - but today - well today I still want to cover Owen...

This time as I re-read the novel I am picturing something different in my head - Have you ever seen any Edward Gorey artwork? I see Owen now as this fearful looking little door mouse - big eyes and dark circles and very much in keeping with that sort of gothy, horrorlistic style Gorey has seemed to make popular in the alternative arts scene over the last few years - Kind of like Tim Burton meets Jacob Two Two - infused with a health dose of Ruby Gloom for good measure. Mind you - in my mind I only see Owen portrayed like this - In the book he is the only visibly odd one in the cast. The rest have their own idiosyncrasies but Owen wears his in his physical appearance. As an animated show it has great potential if done correctly - this freakishly small force of nature set among a cast of seeming ordinary New Hampshirites - murdering mothers with foul balls during little league practice - commandeering christmas - loping off his best friend's trigger finger to keep him from going overseas and please do not even get me started on the whole predetermination vs. free will thing...

Simply said - it would make a great cartoon...

I don't nessessarily love Buffy but... (written 09/2006)

I did enjoy many juvenile aspects of the show. I loved the characters and while I know many people despise the concept - the show itself - the writing - the characters - the plots and most of all buffy herself - I say to these - screw you if you cannot respect that different people like different things. I may not like everything you do and you may not like everything I do but "can't we all - just - get along??" heh heh heh... for more on this famous statement see the following link: Why Mr. King took a beating by those bad ass policemen who obviously were corrupted by their own sense of power and supremacy ? Makes me wonder about other things as well. How many cases of corruption do we hear about on a daily basis and are we as a society simply becoming desensitized against this sort of thing? When we hear that another cop beat a young man for what would appear to be no really good and valid reason are we even affected by this information anymore? Do we do anything besides shrug and think to ourselves "gee... That's too bad..." Is there anything else that actually can be done? Is that why the King beating led to race riots? Is that why these men and women who abuse their power and get caught get a slap on the wrist as punishment for their crimes? Makes me mad I think or should I even care? Let me know what you think gentle readers - that is if you can be bothered to - even a little bit. I will reflect the number of comments to this particular post as evidence to either back up my point or demolish it. Billions of people have access to the internet - surely even one of you could take the time to comment on whether or not we as a people even care anymore if power is corrupting the police and whether or not we even care enough to do anything about it. I guess we will see. eh?

A tuesday prayer written too late (from my draft folder 2007)

well. swell. meld. held. tightly in the night.
sigh.
this is where my mind is today.
i am thinking about things and will start uncharacteristicly with a small prayer. (I found this in my draft folder ~ written once upon a time by someone named cy williams - had I posted it when i wrote it maybe things would have worked out differently ~ maybe not ~ most likely not...)

Dear Lord.
thank you for second chances thank you for daring girls with beautiful eyes and wistful wonderful dreams thank you for showing me that some things never change and that many others do thank you for smiling children in my life who love and laugh and sing and grow thank you for making my life as unpredictable as any life can be. bless those i love and keep them safe from bad men and women, from nighttime fears and heart ache, from their own monsters and demons that mean them harm and hurt. protect them from the things that would hurt them and if you cannot do that then please allow them the strength , courage conviction and cunning to protect each other and themselves as well... thank you so much

Amen.

~ Update September 2009 ~

Hello faithful readers! All three of you!

Well... I last wrote in December 2008 and I was clean then and continue to be clean now. I feel that I am back - well for the most part anyways - I am going to endeavour to add to my blog more often and use this space to rant, rave and otherwise speak my mind about the things I feel I should speak my mind about.

What have I been up to the last 9 months, you ask? Well - first of all - thank you for asking - that is very considerate of you...

I was living in a house with three other gentlemen in Parkdale in the city's west end - was good for a bit but I have given my notice and will be moving out on the first of October - back out on my own after quite a while it seems.
Yay!

I am off work dealing with medical stuff which I will outline briefly below. Since I have been unable to work in the conventional sense I have devoted myself to rediscovering my creative side and have been putting alot of effort into establishing an arts career. I have completed over 50 excellent pieces of work since January 2008 and have had two shows - One at the Show Gallery on Queen West and another at this event called Mad Pride - I have also designed a bike rack for the city of Toronto based on my old 'invisible people' series and I just got to see the finished product a few days ago - wow - I was staggered by how wonderful it looked... I will keep you - faithless reader - posted as to where it will be installed and whether or not there will be any kind of ceremony or unveiling..

I will write other entries about my art and other creative things in my life right now but that is a topic for another day I think...

My fantastic children love me once more and have for a while - I have worked really hard to earn back their trust and love after my 'fall from grace' so to speak - I honestly believe that we have never been stronger - they are truly wonderful and I love them more than I can possibly believe.

I am currently fighting a terminal illness that is derived from contracting the hepetitis c virus several years ago - I have advanced into fulminant hepatic failure - which is kind of a drag - but I fight the good fight - with any luck I will beat it back - finish the treatment for the Hep C and by December or January of 2010 I should be cured - well cured or killed anyways... I understand that the mortality rate for people going through the treatment for my condition is 80% or 20% of people taking the treatment live through the treatment (rough frikken treatment eh?) - but if I do make it through I will be cured - which is great!

I have been steadily getting sicker and sicker and that sucks big brownie ass - I have been in and out of the hospital lately and my ex-wife Angela has been kind enough to let me stay with her alot lately so that I can spend good quality time with my sons and so that I can be close enough to St. Micheal's Hospital if I need to run over if i hemorrhage or suffer too much from unruly complications - which only happened a few times initially - but to be honest, seems to be happening with alarm frequency lately - I have lost approx 40 pounds - my head is shaved to hide the bald patches that seem to wane heavily on my poor wee head and I often see people looking at me like they think I am the angel of death himself.

I do not write about this to garner any attention or unwanted sympathy - if you even try I will likely simply roll my eyes and tell you to fuck the hell off... I simply want people to understand where I am at these days. I DO NOT WANT YOUR SYMPATHY! I simply want to give context to where I am and be honest - as I have always tried to be in this blog - about where I am - where I have been and where I think I am going.

I have love in my life and that in itself is truly amazing! It is complicated and fulfilling at the same time. I have a wonderful best friend who supports me and challenges me and will not let me be anything but myself - ever! I have reconnected with my family, old friends and made amends to most of the people I fucked over when I was using. I have not gone to any AA based meetings for a while and took the tools I needed to get clean and worked them into my everyday life. I try and lead a spiritual life - and I have really adopted a "live every day to its fullest" attitude - which as contrived as it sounds it really working for me...

Sooo...

I continue to fight, to strive to move forward and do the best I can - what more could I possibly ask for?

Looking back at the last 50 entries I can honestly say that I do think I am making progress...

What do you think filthy readers?