~ Update September 2009 ~

Hello faithful readers! All three of you!

Well... I last wrote in December 2008 and I was clean then and continue to be clean now. I feel that I am back - well for the most part anyways - I am going to endeavour to add to my blog more often and use this space to rant, rave and otherwise speak my mind about the things I feel I should speak my mind about.

What have I been up to the last 9 months, you ask? Well - first of all - thank you for asking - that is very considerate of you...

I was living in a house with three other gentlemen in Parkdale in the city's west end - was good for a bit but I have given my notice and will be moving out on the first of October - back out on my own after quite a while it seems.
Yay!

I am off work dealing with medical stuff which I will outline briefly below. Since I have been unable to work in the conventional sense I have devoted myself to rediscovering my creative side and have been putting alot of effort into establishing an arts career. I have completed over 50 excellent pieces of work since January 2008 and have had two shows - One at the Show Gallery on Queen West and another at this event called Mad Pride - I have also designed a bike rack for the city of Toronto based on my old 'invisible people' series and I just got to see the finished product a few days ago - wow - I was staggered by how wonderful it looked... I will keep you - faithless reader - posted as to where it will be installed and whether or not there will be any kind of ceremony or unveiling..

I will write other entries about my art and other creative things in my life right now but that is a topic for another day I think...

My fantastic children love me once more and have for a while - I have worked really hard to earn back their trust and love after my 'fall from grace' so to speak - I honestly believe that we have never been stronger - they are truly wonderful and I love them more than I can possibly believe.

I am currently fighting a terminal illness that is derived from contracting the hepetitis c virus several years ago - I have advanced into fulminant hepatic failure - which is kind of a drag - but I fight the good fight - with any luck I will beat it back - finish the treatment for the Hep C and by December or January of 2010 I should be cured - well cured or killed anyways... I understand that the mortality rate for people going through the treatment for my condition is 80% or 20% of people taking the treatment live through the treatment (rough frikken treatment eh?) - but if I do make it through I will be cured - which is great!

I have been steadily getting sicker and sicker and that sucks big brownie ass - I have been in and out of the hospital lately and my ex-wife Angela has been kind enough to let me stay with her alot lately so that I can spend good quality time with my sons and so that I can be close enough to St. Micheal's Hospital if I need to run over if i hemorrhage or suffer too much from unruly complications - which only happened a few times initially - but to be honest, seems to be happening with alarm frequency lately - I have lost approx 40 pounds - my head is shaved to hide the bald patches that seem to wane heavily on my poor wee head and I often see people looking at me like they think I am the angel of death himself.

I do not write about this to garner any attention or unwanted sympathy - if you even try I will likely simply roll my eyes and tell you to fuck the hell off... I simply want people to understand where I am at these days. I DO NOT WANT YOUR SYMPATHY! I simply want to give context to where I am and be honest - as I have always tried to be in this blog - about where I am - where I have been and where I think I am going.

I have love in my life and that in itself is truly amazing! It is complicated and fulfilling at the same time. I have a wonderful best friend who supports me and challenges me and will not let me be anything but myself - ever! I have reconnected with my family, old friends and made amends to most of the people I fucked over when I was using. I have not gone to any AA based meetings for a while and took the tools I needed to get clean and worked them into my everyday life. I try and lead a spiritual life - and I have really adopted a "live every day to its fullest" attitude - which as contrived as it sounds it really working for me...

Sooo...

I continue to fight, to strive to move forward and do the best I can - what more could I possibly ask for?

Looking back at the last 50 entries I can honestly say that I do think I am making progress...

What do you think filthy readers?